tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-295455632011-04-21T11:54:16.427-07:00Edwin Alpheratzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12104848827692891585noreply@blogger.comBlogger21100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29545563.post-1150019534970790292006-06-11T02:26:00.000-07:002006-06-11T02:55:35.546-07:00I just realized something: I'm better than you.<br /><br />Anyways, I had the pleasure of dining at a fantastic restaurant last night. I was served two (count 'em!) Corn Dogs and an Orange Soda, with five and one half ice cubes. The waitress was a slim Asian gal, with platinum blonde hair. I said to her, "Hey, I asked for no ice. Would you mind getting me another Orange Soda?".<br /><br />She started to give me some attitude right away. I put down my newspaper and peeled off my shades. "Listen up, woman. I have business to attend to. I don't have time for any lip from you, you fucking bitch." She recognized me right away. "I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Alpheratz. Just one moment..."<br /><br />I turned to the Sports section to check on the weather.<br /><br />Some kid starts whining at an adjacent table. Now, I understand how youngsters can be, I have seen them on television. I cleared my throat, and resumed my read. My internal dialogue was heating up. Where is my fucking soda? Jesus motherfucking Christ it's been nearly four minutes. "Mommy, can you please pass me a napkin?" I had had enough.<br /><br />I rolled up my newspaper and slid out of my booth. Clinching my rolled up newspaper in my right hand, I reared up and struck the child as hard as I could with my left fist. "Shut the fuck up when I'm reading, you piece of shit." Kids today have no more decency. You know what it is? It's the god damn Computer Labs at their schools, little hippie bastards with their IMacs and Electric Pencil Sharpeners.<br /><br />I ignored the glaring mother, and reclaimed my seat, just as the waitress stumbled clumsily out of the kitchen with my Orange Soda. She apoligized for the wait as she set the drink in front of me. "Bring me an ashtray and a check, please." I said to her without thanks. I drank my warm soda, and finished my cigarette. I laced up my rollerblades, tucked my newspaper into my fanny pack and hit the road.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/29545563-115001953497079029?l=wondrapolis.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Edwin Alpheratzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12104848827692891585noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29545563.post-1150017886771683522006-06-11T00:39:00.000-07:002006-06-11T02:24:46.776-07:00Fuck you, I'll put something up in a week.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/29545563-115001788677168352?l=wondrapolis.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Edwin Alpheratzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12104848827692891585noreply@blogger.com0